I am angry, so angry that I forget to breathe when I think about the situation.

We have long suspected that our darling Kid1 has been having seizures. We got a referral for evaluation and then waited impatiently for 3 months for a neurology appointment with the neurologist that already follows her case. Being the squeaky wheel and calling everyday resulted in the appointment being moved up a grand total of two weeks.

Today - finally - the big day, we head off to the neuro's office who looks at the latest EEG, and actually sees our daughter have numerous seizures in his office. He tells us he is sure she is having seizures and that he strongly suspects they are directly related to her ever decreasing function. Like a little worm eating away at her brain, every time she seizes, she loses a few more brain cells.

And then he refers us to a specialist and walks out. No medication, no tangible intervention, no help. He - someone who specializes in the study of the brains of children - tells me that something is destroying my daughter's brain a little at a time and then he does absolutely nothing about it.

I left, and I called in the referral. Our wait time for the specialist - a paediatric epileptologist - is estimated to be 6 months. They don't even book appointments for new patients this far out.

I thought perhaps our neuro wasn't aware of this lovely policy, and called his office to ask for another appointment, another referral, a medication, just something.

He knows. He just doesn't care. He doesn't want to treat my daughter.

I can't even begin to express my outrage over this situation.

Well, I can be a pain in the ass, total bitch if that's what it will take to keep him from brushing us off like bugs. I can call his office every week, every day or every hour until he offers up a better solution. I can cry daily on the phone to the PE's receptionist. I can beg any and all of our other health care providers for second opinions, more referrals, to have strings pulled. I am tempted to call him on discrimination, that he has made the value judgement that her brain damage is bad enough, that she is so retarded, that a little more won't change anything. That he sees her disabilities instead of her. That he is not following his oath, to do no harm. To gather other families who feel this way and bring a formal complaint against him.

But I can't make him see that she is a human being, and that she deserves not to lose her standard of living even if it doesn't live up to his standard.

And it breaks my heart. And it makes me angry.